When Sean Kugler became the Head Coach of the Miners he stated that he wanted to make the UTEP football over in the image of the Rice program. That sounded ok at the time because in 2012 Rice won 7 games and in the next two seasons they won 10 and 8 more. Plus, they are smart. The Stanford of Texas some might say. But, the last two years, Rice has returned to a place more familiar to the Rice program, the basement and ground level of the conference. Meanwhile, the Miners are going to class and getting good grades. Nobody is going to mistake our Harvard on the Border with Rice academically, but our guys would compete. Last year, the Miners won more football games, too. So Saturday’s game is a chance to see who does it better, the Miners, imitating the Owls or the originals. As of right now, the experts think it is just about a coin flip. Which is the better doormat? Sorry, this is just the second game of the season and my cynicism sometimes comes out.
What can we expect on Saturday at the Sun Bowl? It is the Home Opener for the Miners and with more than a century of horrid football, the Miners fans don’t let an opening day of the season drubbing keep them from coming out for a nice evening get together. That one doesn’t count we say. We need the money so we prostitute ourselves out to the sick bastard that likes to beat his hookers up. We know it, but even hooers need to pay the rent. The bruises heal, and he didn’t break any bones this time. So, now we are ready to fight that bitch on our corner. It isn’t going to be pretty, and it isn’t really going to be a fight. Two hags, biting with toothless mouths and scratching with fingernails bitten to the quick. Mostly they will pull each other’s hair and clinch. Winner and loser will be hard to tell at the end because it really wasn’t much of a fight, but those keeping score will give us a declared winner and loser. Fight fans will not be impressed. For those out there who hate the thought of two old broads fighting on the street, if it makes you feel better, no one will probably even land a punch. Both hate throwing punches because they are the ones that usually get the shit knocked out of them as soon as they come out of the fetal position. So, this will be like two sumo wrestlers trying to make each other be the inside person while spooning.
Both teams despise the forward pass. Woody Hayes and Vince Lombardi butting heads. If you like excitement, you might be better off lying on the couch watching women’s golf. They whisper so as not to wake you from your nap. Oddly enough, the Owls hate the pass so much they don’t even lie about it. The Miners do. But, the Miners actually have a quarterback that has the ability to pass. So, it will be the Rice Owls running with no other thought at all against the Miners running, which when it fails as it usually does forcing the use of the hated passer. That my friends is the wild card factor in this game. They don’t pass and can’t. We don’t pass but can. The forward pass wins the game. Almost accidently. In spite of the head coach’s wishes it will be a pass that wins the game and not the pushing and shoving. One of the sumo wrestlers is going to stop pushing and shoving long enough to throw a punch and it will be the difference.
Note to UTEP marketing. Instead of foam fingered number ones, foam pillows for the snooze might be nice. Never mind, the soccer fans doing the wave and playing with the beach balls will make it hard to do more that cat nap during the Miners’ offensive possessions.
After two games, Sean will be able to say his team has won as many as he has lost this year and back on track for a bowl eligible season. Nothing blooms much in the desert around El Paso at anytime during the year, but in September, Miners Orange Hope, Optimism, and Renewal blossoms come out, signaling survival of another El Paso summer and another lottery ticket for a chance to win the football lottery. Yep, like getting hit by lightning twice on your birthday inside Carlsbad Caverns. We always hope that somehow, someway we can at least win back the price of our ticket.
I think I am just about ready for the first Home game, against a fellow miserable C-USA member. Here we go again. Go Miners!
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